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“They came in the dead of night”:Inside the AFL’s horrifying sideburn purge

It started off with a memo,sent out a day before pre-season kicked off.It simply stated:“All sideburns must be shaved.” 4 months later,the AFL began seizing hair by force.A whistle-blower from AFL House met up with BPB to discuss how the state of affairs have spiraled out of control.

“Notice how almost every player has a shaved side?That’s no coincidence.When Gil watched round 1,he was livid;shaking even.Only a handful of players had listened to his order and sported clean sides.His next move was thoroughly planned out.He wanted to move players into hotels and resorts with hub law;let’s make one thing absolutely clear – hubs were never about protecting players from COVID-19.That was just a cover so that they could have everyone in a centralised location for mandatory haircuts.”

“The second night after arriving,an army of masked men armed with clippers stormed each hotel,kicked down the doors and forcibly removed everyone’s sideburns.Some players managed to scurry away in the commotion and hide,but the next round of shavings were carried out less than a week later.”

Veterans of the game were not spared.Hawthorn captain Ben Stratton openly defied the code of silence to express his displeasure in a now deleted tweet:

“You think I like rocking this shithouse look?The truth will come out”

“Some players have resorted to growing out other parts of their hair as an act of defiance,but Gil doesn’t care.As long as everyone’s a ‘cleanside’ as he would say.”

“Make no mistake,he wants 100%elimination.”

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