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Quintuple no-show seals fate of Division 6 Reserves team before opening bounce

It’s a scenario no suburban footballer wants to find themselves in – the realisation that their squad of twenty-two may in fact be a squad of seventeen as their opponents are in position waiting patiently for the game to commence.Jonathan Collins relives the events that set the scene for the 184-point drubbing of his Bunyip Gully side.

“I woke up late,picked up Gus and managed to turn up just as everyone was finishing up the warmup lap and I thought,you beauty.We were getting a big rev-up from[coach]Simmo,when suddenly his phone goes berserk–Swifty and Dan and were messaging him at the same time.Swifty reckons that he pulled his calf the night before while Dan just said that something popped up last minute without elaborating.”

“After a bit of cussing,Simmo does a headcount and realises that Brad,Gav and Turners are all missing.A few minutes later,we hear and see Brad’s shitbox approaching,but he inexplicably turns around and exits the carpark.Later,we’d learn that Brad forgot that it was his weekend with his kid again and he absolutely needed to haul arse to his ex’s if wanted a shot at long-term full custody.That one we kind of understood so no hard feelings there.”

“It’s now game time and Turners and Gav are nowhere to be seen.Their captain comes up to me,shakes my hand and wishes me a good game but doesn’t even offer up one of their players to balance the teams.To be fair I wouldn’t either,footy at this level is all about picking on shit teams like us.”

“Anyway,they pumped us and there’s absolutely no chance I’m coming back next season.”

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