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Portly forward refuses to leave goal square

Dylan‘Fridge’Miles has had his ups and downs in his career but one thing’s a constant–his unwavering devotion to staying solely within the confines of the goal square.

“Well that’s an exaggeration,if the ball’s down the other end,I move up a few metres obviously.I’m a bit of a weapon if I operate close to goal.People just assume that I can’t move but I’ve measured my vertical at 25cm–that’s actually above average for an adult male.”(Our editors later confirmed that this was not!0).

“I jump,I compete,I bring the ball to ground,in the goal square mostly.Sometimes I even take a grab,what more can you ask from me?

Teammates were not so pleased with the Miles’ effort.

“We’re basically playing a man down,the full-back just runs off of him and they inevitably get some overlap going.There isn’t anywhere else on the ground where we can feasibly play him.He’s dropped so many marks over the line that were going to be goals too”

“F***I hate him so much”

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