New South Welshman James Oldman has gone through his life without devoting any time and energy into following AFL,preferring to soak in other parts of life’s rich tapestry,such as Netflix,meeting people and binge drinking.His personality is a little lacking,but not as much as his impoverished footy knowledge,a fact he’ll proudly repeat over the course of the day.Today he finds himself at a co-worker’s Grand Final party,downing beers,eating snags and unknowingly destroying the vibe of the special day.He is the subject of our special interests report this week.
“Yeah I’m only here for the good times haha.And the drinks.Never really watched footy.So it’s six if it goes through the middle yeah?”
James grabs himself another beer,finds himself a group of young men and introduces himself.
“Who are you guys going for today?”
“Yeah I don’t really have a horse in the race.Never been into footy.”blurts out James before anyone has a chance to finish declaring their allegiances.
The lads,slightly bewildered and inebriated give their thoughts.
“You’ve got to pick a team today mate.Back in the Tiges!”
James smiles,ready to rattle off his response.
“Which team’s that?Oh yeah nah,footy just doesn’t really interest me,I’ll just remain impartial today and probably forever.Nice colours though.”
The first half is fast-paced,packed full of action with James struggling to keep up.
“Hey why’s the umpire throwing the ball backwards like that?That’s wild haha”
“****that guy has a lot of tatts.What a cool unit.”
“Wow!What a goal.Anyone seen the Social Dilemma?”
The mood in the household is noticeably tense at half-time,noticeable to everyone except for James.He refuses to engage in footy discussion,opting instead to educate everyone on the dangers that await mankind if online privacy continues to be neglected.Thankfully for all,he succumbs to the drink,racing to the toilet to expel litres upon litres of bread-sausage-beer.
Three-quarter time arrives,prompting the host to check-in on James.
“You alright in there mate?”
“I-I don’t really follow footy yeah I’m good.”